#CONFESSIONS 4

Twelve year old saif lost both his
parents in a bomb attack in which he
was also injured,in the province of
diyala in 2005. In his words;
“there is no life when you have lost
your father and mother”.
The worst moment in ziba’s life
occurred when a dozen drunken
Serbian militiamen stormed into the
school gymnasium in which she and
more than 100 other young Muslim
women were being held along with
their children.
“They came in with guns and grenades
and they screamed at us…then one of
2 chetniks told me to undress…he said
if I didn’t do what they wanted they
would cut my throat. I believed
them.,.so they both raped me.one
after the other. It took half an
hour,…from that day on it never
stopped. The rapes went on day and
night for a month”.
Like everyother person I go through
tough times and m usually tempted to
go into major depression. but all I
need do is skim through print and
online media to see the sufferings of
other innocent folks , and i snap out of
my misery because then I realize one
truth that I believe we can all relate
with to a very large extent ;
‘I do not suffer in isolation’.
So many persons today do not believe
in God simply because of the presence
of evil and unjustified sufferings in the
world today. As regards this early
philosophers proposed;
“God is all knowing
God is all powerful
God is love
You can logically justify any 2 but never
all three.
Becaus3 evil and suffering exist”.
I do not intend to make sense out of
the Aforementioned analogy but as
Much as I believe in God I also belie’ve
in purpose.
We are often told everything happens
for a reason but what they almost
always forget to add is that sometimes
we do not need to UNDERSTAND the
reason, we just have to ACCEPT it.
I do not understand how a child can
be conceived and subsequently grow
inside a woman but I accept it.
I do not understand how a man blind
from birth can pray to the statue of the
virgin Mary carved from wood and
immediately r3gains his sight but I
accept it.
I do not understand the exchange that
took place on the cross bringing
redemption and justification to all men
but I believe it and accept it.
I do not understand why even though
being with him did hurt me a whole
lot, being away from him hurts even
more…but I accept it.
I do not understand why and how
Tonto convinced herself that she was
musically gifted but hey…I accept it.
Lol…
Truth is we would never get to
understand it all:
Why good peopl3 die young.
Why innocent children suffer.
Why the truth hurts.
etc.
But we accept it believing that there is
a greater good in all of these which we
might get a glimpse of if we are open
minded enough to look at the big
picture, beyond that which our
ordinary eyes can see.
We do not suffer in isolation.
But then sometimes when we do
suffer, let’s try to remember this and
be comforted it:
‘God might not ‘part your red sea’ just
only so ‘you can walk on water.
Go figure.
God bless.

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#CONFESSIONS 2

The day the lord gives is ended and
darkness falls.
I conjure your face and it is like a
vision, my very first.
I am on my knees…no. i am on all
fours.
For though I never touched you, your
true nature I did feel.
Life’s force, one dwelling inside
another, an unraveled mystery.
whereever you are my thoughts go
with you.
But my heart implores you,
Sleep sweet dear one…sail away on an
empty sea of nothingness.
And Release me.
The pain is so intense it jolts me out of
my reverie,
And Just like my minds sketch of your
face it seems unreal.
Yet it strikes clean, pierces deep and
shatters my ‘self’ once whole,
Relentlessly attacking the inside of my
soul.
I cry out in despair like a fatally
wounded animal,
But I can’t hear myself, this is a silent
scream of pain.
I scratch myself with blunt nails
Trying to draw blood to compensate
for blood drawn.
Yet I cannot feel a thing, numb have I
become.
The blindness that is setting in is
inevasible.
It isn’t a physical phenomena but one
of the ‘self’.
I am Trapped in this dark place that
whispers my secrets.
I need a way out for Its cold in here
and I am scared.
This fear is one laced with shame and
guilt. but How do I take one step forward
and away
Not knowing what I might be stepping
into?
how can I see what’s in front of me
When i am too terrified to confront that
which I left behind?
Sleep sweet my dear one… sail away
on an empty sea of nothingness.
You want your pound of flesh?
Here, take two.
But please give me relief if only half full.
Give me back my voice The sound of which I cannot now recall.
Benumb me  so I can bury this pain under more pain.
Give me sight. Give me light.
So I can see the steps ahead and thus tread carefully.
Set me free so I can become whole again.
Don’t give me peace,
Don’t give me hope,
I do not deserve that magnitude of kindness.
But as the sun sets…
The day the lord gives is ended and darkness falls.
I conjure your face and it is like a vision, my very first.
I am on my knees…no,I am on all fours.
…my heart implores you…
Sleep sweet my dear one…sail away on an empty sea of nothingness.
And RELEASE ME.

#CONFESSIONS 1

To be quite honest I wasn’t the most
beautiful of kids when growing up. I
wasn’t the lil girl that brides desired to
use to aesthesize their wedding trains.
Lol. Right up through my adolescence
and even into my early teenage life I
was skinny, with a nose slightly too big
for my Face and a whole lot insecure
about my looks.
This made me really shy and self
conscious such that the only place I
could find solace and an other worldly
amount of comfort was not in a room
filled with living, breathing, people but
rather unmoving inanimate books. I
discovered a world where anything
was possible and you could choose to
be whatever cool thing u wanted to be
from a fairy princess to an estranged
lover seeking revenge to a serial killer
(lol) as well as a detective investigating
the theft of the U.S. declaration of
independence. Anything was possible
if you allowed ur imagination teleport
you into the mind of the writer,the plot
of the story and the sequence of
events.
I discovered the world of books.
I took a peek into science n geography
n nature n psychology n religion etc.
I discovered a world of knowledge and
I was never lonely or insecure again. At
a really young age I shunned all things
childlike, sadly. No playing in the sand
or watching numerous cartoon flicks or
even playing house with dolls. I was
overwhelmed by my desire to KNOW
because I thought, if I can’t get their
attention with my looks I’d get it with
the things that I know that they don’t.
In the battle between beauty and brains,
How could beauty win when It
wasn’t even present in significant
proportions?
I discovered the power of the mind
and just how much superior it was to
the power of beauty. And yet still, I fuel
my mind in the hope that it doesn’t
lose it’s strength.
In todays world the packing is more
important than the content. The cover
of the book is more
important the book itself. The cast of
the movie attracts the audiences to
theatres than the
storyline.
Just like that, when you meet a human
being, the
very first thing that you notice is the
way he looks. It’s very natural, nothing
wrong about that.
Beauty is important especially in fields
were it is necessary. But the mind is
the power house of an individual. it
has the capacity to make the seeming
impossible, possible.
Quite frankly “the brains will be the
ones either interviewing
the beauties some day or be the boss
of the
beauties”.
Look beyond the physical and
maximize your minds potentials.
Now v got both so either ways m
covered.
*big smile*

SEX’CESS: SEX and SucCESS correlation.

image

My one time ‘oga at the top’ was quite fond of saying, there is great power in our sexuality and understanding it is the first step to  a succesful life. And after not so much probing would go on to explain why he thought so. Truth be told Mr Michael was just intrigued by sex as a subject matter and that intrigue was expressed in myriad not too subtle ways. But i digress.
In ‘think n grow rich’,a book my dad made me read in my early teens (and people wonder why/how i turned out this ‘way’ *sigh*) Napoleon hill wrote:
“sexual desire is the most powerful of human desires and when driven by this desire men develop keenness of imagination, courage, Wil power, persistence and creative ability, UNknown to them most times…” (Ladies wonder no more why the average guy gets uber creative,focused and determined when the goal is to ‘hit that’.:D)
But as  incredible as this observation is,it is also difficult to act upon as many people are not comfortable discussing sexuality openly or in such terms. I admit,i am the poster girl for this category of persons. Yeah the occasional jokes and sexual innuendoes i can very well relate with (little wonder why ‘2broke girls’ is one of my favourite sitcoms right now)but when it comes down to the real stuff,my reverend sister alter takes over.
This can be attributed largely and in part to our familiar society.One that has attached to the concept of sex, a foreboding mysteriousness and  an uncleanliness which is only partially reversed after the I do’s.
Still it is important that we raise our awareness and see the importance of moving past cultural and societal barriers because sexual activity is one of our basic functioning like eating and sleeping.(No. U did not hear/ read this from me. :D)
So how can sex bring you success?
A loving relationship that has a healthy sexual connection is a necessary foundation. Especially if it’s one that is alive and you are constantly growing and learning from it.
(I would not encourage casual sex as it is very unhealthy).
Laura Garnet wrote:
“Sex and love combined is the secret sauce…great connected loving sex can be the  fuel u are looking for that next big idea or inspiration you need to start a new product or biz line”,
This could be fact or fiction depending on how you choose to look at it but i am  inclined to Lean more towards Fact after careful consideration of ‘all the evidence before me’…hehe…
In my online study i found out that a whole lot of research have been carried out on this sex,success (sex’cess) correlation.Men n women of different occupation have bin interviewed and all these interviews collected and sorted accordingly.
Along with this extensive research is the proposed medical and  social benefits of having Sex.(For more on this,contact me.*winks*)
Even Napoleon Hill provided statistics showing that almost all of the world’s most successful men have satisfying sex lives.
The concensus opinion is that sex improves the health status of an individual on the mental as well as physical level. This fit and fine body and sharp brain would result in significant progress in the professional life. Leading to the conclusion that sex is an essential nature of who we are and there is a direct correlation btween it and success. The more of it you have,the more of the latter you would achieve.
The moral of the story is:
Be more aware and concious of your sexuality. Indulge in meaningful satisfying sex and watch everything in your life ‘turning around for your good’. :D)
Most importantly,do not ask me if i take my own advice!
*yawns*

P.s
-Scientific Fact: Guys get used to cuddling.:)
-This is a product of partial insomvnia. As such,No inference of the nature of my true character can be drawn from it,:D
-As usual,all grammatical errors were intended.

THE BACKUP ‘SOMEBODY’…

IN RETROSPECT…

‘Emotional blackmail’ is low and just sad. On more than one occasion I have fallen prey to it. My boss (and occasional shrink) attributes that to my overwhelming maternal instincts. He defines it as ‘my need to right the wrong in other people’s lives’.*sighs*

I thought to catch up on my ‘lost’ childhood and indulge in a little bit of animation, Dora the Explorer to be precise. Wrong move!

I am super excited about Dan Brown’s INFERNO. And if you haven’t read Connie Willis’s THE PASSAGE please do ‘cos it’s pure genius. She took the ‘titanic ship’ and made it a symbol for ‘near death experiences’. Genius!

When I started out this blog I told myself I would keep my personal life away from it as much as possible. Well so far that has been easy because to be really sincere my life is nothing close to that of the typical 20 year old that is filled with the twists and turns, crazy moments and exciting stories to tell. A lil sad, yeah?

 

So my relationship which started off on a very good note is going ‘bananas’. Yet every day I do my best to function at full capacity and not allow that get to me. I must say I am quite skilled at compartmentalization (*note to self-* add that to my ‘wife material’ résumé). Unfortunately my occasional shrink was able to see through my facade of strength and this led to a conversation I would never forget, at the end of which I got to learn 2 things:
*I am really afraid of being alone.
*The backup plan is not a myth.

The first falls under the personal life category and goes against my cardinal rule of blogging. Sue me. LOL.

The second (clears throat) ‘is the reason we are all gathered here today’.

As a result of that conversation and this blog post I decided to do a bit of research and ‘hear’ what other persons have to say as regards the backup plan. First off I have to say that the back up plan as used here is not the movie by Jennifer Lopez (who by the way I think is a very talented actress/singer). And it is not really a plan as much as it is a person. So let’s rephrase and call it the backup girl…or guy as the case may be.

As regards the back up plan, one blogger had this to say;
“You know, when you’re dating someone and all of a sudden the shit hits the fan, suddenly you’re alone. The person you were really jazzed about blows you off, the relationship is over and done with, and you’re back to the starting line again. For a lot of you guys, the starting line means you’ve got to do it all over again. That means you’ve got to go back to the days of jerking off, the days of going into the Walgreen’s looking all dejected as you reach for that KY Jelly…The reason why you’re jerking it (or if you’re a woman you’re riding Bob, your Battery Operated Boyfriend) so much is because you got rid of your backup person. You burned your bridges. Backup person is that cool person that you can be with sexually, but you both know you’ll never get involved in a relationship because you just aren’t relationship material for each other.”

While this blogger chose to see the fun and easy aspect of the backup plan, another saw it from a whole different perspective while taking a ‘shot’ at the weaker sex;
“I have never understood the mentality of women who do this. This type of activity ruins lives and relationships. It’s one thing to date a lot or even have a list of “Booty Calls,” but it doesn’t make sense to create the foundations for another relationship while you’re already in one”

From a woman perspective, Jenn Clark had this to say as regards the backup plan.
“Have you ever been in this position? The guy you really like doesn’t make you a priority in his life. He may give you just enough time and attention to keep you hanging on, but he doesn’t show an interest in moving things forward. In fact, it often seems like he’s putting you on hold. You feel like his “Plan B.” And you constantly wonder if you’ll ever be anything more to him…. So how do you know if he’s keeping you as a back-up plan? You’ll know because his interest will be inconsistent. He’ll be available when it’s convenient for him, he’ll break plans, and he’ll seem to disappear as soon as you give him a lot of attention. You’ll have the sense that you aren’t important to him and that he’s merely keeping you around until something “better” comes along. If your gut is telling you that this is the case, be sure to listen to it. It is rarely wrong”.

However one chose to see this it doesn’t change the fact that having a backup plan is as selfish and irresponsible as it gets. I understand the fact that the women are generally scared of being alone and men just want to have their cake and eat it. Still when the ‘pieces’ involved are humans who have feelings, the rules of the ‘game’ changes.

We live in a society where values and virtues are taken for granted and people are treated like and given the same measure of respect as objects. Very sad but true.

What is also true is the fact that in same society girls now categorize men into 2 different kinds of individuals:
*The placeholder: a guy she is with until a ‘better opportunity’ comes along.
*The potential: the guy she kips warming up on the side in case her relationship begins to go bad.

And almost every guy has that one girl that is ‘fun, available, free and ready’.

I am not going to explore the reasons why people see the need for a backup plan or talk about how to know if you are someone else’s back up plan, because the truth is you can never really know the ‘heart of a man’. What I do have to say is this; the golden rule really is golden. Treat people in exactly the same way you would want to be treated. My dear friend would say, sometimes we are so eager to learn the seeming big things that we tend to forget the little ones.

Again every relationship is a sacrifice. Take the risk, no back up plans and no guarantees. Stay in the relationship and by all means make it work. If “happy ever after’ is meant to happen, it most definitely would. One of my greatest joys would be when the person I love looks at me and says;
“Thank you for not giving up on me.”
Yeah I know I could be a silly romantic sometimes but who isn’t?
*smiles*

 

P.S:
I am clearly not an expert on all things ‘relationship’ but ermm…
GUYs: lack of social experience might make you assume a relationship is more than it actually is. Do not grow too attached to the first woman who shows you substantial affection. Always know what you are and what role you play in a woman’s life.
GIRLs: Men rarely commit to women who tolerate disrespect. It’s very important to decide how you want and deserve to be treated right from the start. Maintain high standards and don’t settle.
As usual all grammatical errors were intended.

NoFancyTitle…

IN RETROSPECT…
Lost my cell phone…AGAIN.

I am being made to wait another 4months before ‘serving’ my country. 😦 I really need a new hobby. Suggestions please.

I am still not going to watch The Lord Of The Rings. My apologies to @tchemi. Lol.

Some persons probably think I am some sort of demi-god cos of my superior intellect and shii but I am all human. Pinky swear!

The four loves given to us by the Greeks are: Philios Love, Storge Love, Eros Love, and Agape Love.

Philios Love is the first of the four loves. It is a human love that is very selfish in nature. Stemming from man’s innate desire to be accepted and loved, it is selfish in nature and expects reward in loving the beloved.

Storge Love, the second of the four, is more of a maternal type of love. It too, is a human type of love. Though less selfish than Philios, it expects reward for loving the beloved as well. It is a more solid type of love, being instinctual in nature, but nonetheless, it must be “rewarded” to keep on loving.

There is Eros Love, another human type of love. This is more of a physical type of love, yet it can also be nonphysical in nature. It too, is very self serving, and expects reward for loving. It is the love that is most often abused and misused, and confused for “love” when in fact, it is not “love” at all, but lust. This is the love that Hollywood has made billions on, tons of books and articles have been written about, and poets have pined and lamented over her beauty. Eros, as well as Philios and Storge, can be very beautiful loves. A close friendship, a bonding between parent and child, or lover and beloved, and a sexual union of man and woman as One Body.

All three of the above named loves are human in nature, meaning that they do not “need” God to exist. They do exist on their own, either separately or in conjunction with one or both of the others. But, being “human” types of love, they tend towards entropy and wither and die, as all things human must die. Unless they find a way to be cohesive to each other, by a Bond beyond human strength and understanding, it is their destiny to dissolve, dissipate, and die.

All things human wither and die.
Human relationships are complex and dynamic. Every day of a persons life is a learning process on how to effectively deal with other people.

It gets even more complicated when the subject matter is LOVE.

This concept is one that is so detailed yet mysteriously vague-save the Godkind of love that is.

I have often asked,what is the key to a successful relationship? By relationship here I mean marriage,courtship,dating,friendship and even blood relationships?

I have done my fair share of research- seen the movies,read the books,attended the seminars and even spoken to a good number of well enlightened persons as regards this. Still the precise answer to my question eludes me.

Now, I have come to 2 conclusions; the first being that every human relationship is distinct and has its own peculiarities. What works for/with A might not necessarily work for/with B. Hence there is the need to study the people involved,adapt to and apply principles that are most likely to work for them.

The second being the fact that all we as humans really need is someone that just ACCEPTS us wholly and completely. With acceptance comes love,trust,respect and affection.

Acceptance is central to our lives. The kind that is devoid of constant criticism and emotional blackmail. The kind that thrives on knowledge and seems to say
“I know you;the good and the bad. But no worries because this knowledge is what fuels that which I feel for you”

I am not a genius but I know this much, that in a relationship were we are accepted,truly accepted with our strengths and accompanying flaws,we tend to get comfortable and reveal the BEST of ourselves.

It is commonly said that love is a sacrifice. Very true because in love you take a risk even when there are no guarantees. Love is also acceptance.: Total. Complete. Selfless. Undying. Unconditional. Eternal. For all men. And for all times.

P.S:
In the motion picture of my life the very day I met you is a snapshot.
You might not be the plot that makes up the entire story of my life but you are that xter without which the story would be incomplete.
You might not be the ‘queen’ that I am firmly instructed to always protect but you are that piece I never want to lose even after ‘checkmate’.
You might not be the only flower in my garden but it is you who gives life and beauty to every other.
You are that tune I always recognize whenever the music in my heart comes into play.
-I should probably stop now before this gets weirdly cheesy-
LOL…
As you write the final part of your mbbs exams I wish you SUCCESS on every side.
GODSPEED!

As usual all grammatical errors were intended.*smiles*

PUER AETERMUS: ‘the man-child’

In Retrospect:
1.) This blogpost reveals the ‘seriousy’ side of me. GoFigure.
2.) I need a writing job that pays. *straight face smiley*
3.) To whom it may concern,I am not a sexist.
4.) I keep the blog posts short. Attention span issues. Lol…

Now…

Puer aetermus is latin for eternal boy used in mythology to designate a child god who is forever young.

Psychologically it refers to older man whose emotional life has remained at an adolescent level.

The Puer typically leads a provisional life due to the fear of being caught in situations from which it might be impossible to escape.

Like all archetypes the Puer is bipolar exhibiting both a positive and a negative aspect. The positive side of the Puer appears as the Divine child who symbolizes newness,potential for growth and for the future. He also foreshadows the hero that he sometimes becomes. The negative side is the child man who refuses to grow up and meet the challenges of life face on waiting instead for his ship to come in and solve all his problems.

To the man child whether it is a woman or a job it is not yet what is really wanted. And there is always that fantasy that sometime in the future the real thing will come about…the one thing dreaded by such a type of man is to be bound by anything whatsoever.

Most people seem to think that I am a sexist using my blog to direct bitter diatribes at the male folks. Not true. Its just that nowadays I come across men who seem to have their ‘head’ in the wrong place. And one of such kind of men that I have taken a particular interest in (for today at least) is the ‘man child’.

The urban dictionary sees the man child as a man who is of age but still has the emotional or mental capacity of a child. He is almost completely incapable of making decisions regarding women, manning up when appropriate or discussing anything maturely.

There are so many variants of man child and their kind is becoming more frequent in the larger society. In my research for this post I got to discover that almost every man I have come across exhibits one or more traits of a man child. These traits include but are not limited to:

-Whining.
-Pettiness.
-Trying to pass the blame for their own underdeveloped judgement.
-Not stepping up to the plate when its their role to.
-An overall insecurity in who he is as a man.
-The man child will often attempt tp augment their lack/or compete with peers with material possesions such as the latest electronic gadgets.
-The man child often thinks that they are different to other men because they have no emotional baggage.
-They find immature humour widely entertaining and will have not been in a serious relationship EVER.
-when discussing important things a man child will look at the floor and remain silent,pretend nothing is wrong at the tym and they will drop into radio silence.
-Has a mommy complex like no other.
-Is extremely needy and will want a woman to take care of his every need.

Inspite of all dese there are still some pros that could be attributed to the man child one of which is his uncanny ability to always see the excitement in life and loosen up straight laced people.

To be real honest there is nothing wrong in a man(or woman) embracing his inner child. Infact I know of some men who are perfectly able to balance their adult life with child like exuberances. Such people can be businesslike at work, studious in school,play with their phones and video games and spend quality time with their girls. Cc @onikes @iamwilstephen @Tchemi @janus_aneni @OVI3_RUL3Z
to mention but a few.

But today m not talking about balanced men. I am rather focusing on those who are not serious in any aspect of their lives and shy away from basic responsibilities.

Sadly enough most women find themselves attracted to such men because they make life spontaneous and filled with unexpected surprises. Also another reason the man child seems irresistible to most women is because he has an air around him of a lost boy who needs someone more responsible to care for him. And once a typical girl senses his vulnerability she is melted by his smile and imagines the possible angst that lays beneath his joyful exterior. In her mind he is still growing up and she is a vital part of the process.
The perpetual boy is what almost every woman fantasizes about because it is near impossible to resist his charm. He is often too forgivable, too cute and never threatening enough.

Spontaneous is uber cool and surprises are even better. They keep tins fresh and exciting but still the cons of dating a man child far outweigh the pros.

With a man child you never quite know were the relationship is heading. He may just be casual and having fun while you on the other hand may want to move forward.

He would often break promises to you thereby leaving you with a broken heart. But still you stick It out because he is fun and you think he would grow up,eventually.

Dating a man child also means a constant battle for time. Hey don’t get me wrong. Time apart is necessary for a meaningful relationship but not when the other person feels neglected.

The man child is most often extremely narcissistic and is notorious not only for courting the ‘man in the mirror’ but also for playing the field. A lot like children they wish to be worshiped and expect the world to revolve around them.

A man child may expect you to be a second mother to him and for most women like me who want equality in a relationship, mothering an otherwise grown man would create an uneven bond.

The man child has a lot of projects,interests and distractions in his life. His tendency to go with whatever idea comes to him can be called spontaneity but it can also be called lack of direction.

Also the man child has prioritizing problem especially with too many friends, parties to attend,video games to buy and beat,trendy slangs to learn,weed to smoke and sleeping to do. You might just end up on the lower rung of his priority laDder.

Now the ‘kpim’ of this post is twofold:

GENTS: getting old in a culture that worships youth is a hard pill to swallow. Sure its a tragedy but its also a tragedy to never become an adult. Accepting responsibility is what eventually makes us better people.

LADIES: unless you are looking for a casual relationship,it is not a gud idea to enter into a relationship with a man who refuses to grow up. It is almost impossible to change such men especially if you are looking for more than sex and it is more likely dat you would end up feeling sad and neglected. Stability is always better than being emotionally,mentally and physically exhausted.

P.s:

I am working on a piece to be entitled ‘can a booty call evolve into a serious relationship?’ I’d need various opinions on d@ so eida use the comment box or get in touch with me. @JNyX_Melah

As usual all grammatical errors were intended.

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