I’d be heading off to NYSC camp in a few and its going to be my first camping experience tho I can’t say m enthusiastic about is as I have come to realise that I get along better with other people when I am not around them. Just kidding.
Human Relationships a’re complex and they are dynamic. When it is a love relationship it gets even more complicated and this is largely due to the fact that where and when the heart is involved, there are usually little or no certainties:’ ‘a risk, no guarantees’. The best a person can do is give it their best shot. Nevertheless, I always encourage people to see every relationship as a learning experience however the outcome.
Okay sometime last year while dating my now ex boyfriend, I had a picture of my prior Ex (confusing, I know but I am sure you get the ‘gist’ . And again, Lord please let me not leave a long trail of exes behind before finding The One) as my blackberry messenger display picture. A friend saw it and asked whom the dude was and without thinking my reply was,
‘He is the most important man in my life.’
It was only after the words were out of my head and delivered to the receiver I realised how wrong they were considering the fact that I was supposed to be in a committed relationship with another ‘man’.
On bin friends with an Ex, different people have different things to say. While some tend to see it as a bad idea, others like myself take a more ‘liberal approach’. A friend of mine said, and I quote:
“I would not want to be in a relationship with a guy who still has contact with his Ex. That shii is inappropriate and there is no justifying it.”
Another friend said her curiosity to see what becomes of her Ex far outweighs any rational argument to cut ties.
On my part I think being friends with an Ex is okay even though my reasons for bin on the understanding side of the ‘friends with your ex’ continuum are entirely selfish.
Two relationships ago I met an incredible young man who in so little time taught me a whole lot and have subsequently become indispensable to me, such that my life’s story ‘might’ be incomplete if he doesn’t feature significantly in it. Though he is an Ex, he is first and most importantly a very good friend and I dread to think of such a time I might not be allowed to have him in my life as just that…a friend. Yeah, like you are already thinking being friends with him complicated my life a little bit not because I was trying to rekindle the flames of what we once had but strictly cos unconsciously I made him the ‘standard’ which every other contender for my heart had to measure up against.
Now though I have bin able to put things In perspective. I understand that what we had cannot be duplicated and I know now to treat each person as a distinct individual with their own peculiar strengths and accompanying flaws.
The experts say it is unhealthy to ‘remain friends with an ex who treated you badly and here I am inclined to agree with them. When you choose to remain friends with someone who didn’t treat you well, you actually validate whatever negative ideas that they have about you plus its like giving them a get out of assclown jail free card.
The experts also say you are only allowed to be friends with an Ex if:
-they treated you well.
-enough time has passed and you have both gotten over the loss of the relationship.
But I say adopt the approach that works for you and also works for your current partner so he or she does not begin to feel insecure/uncomfortable.
Love Relationships are complicated. Adding an Ex to the cocktail further complicates it but is the alternative (cutting off all ties) the lesser of both evils? Frankly I don’t think so but hey that’s just my opinion. And if the choice is between a guy who is on a strict ‘no talking’ policy with all of his exes and one who still gets along with a few, I’d always opt for the latter.
One thing I guess we all have in common is that ‘someone’ we would always have special feelings for regardless of whom we might be in a relationship with. However messed up that might seem I don’t think there is an off switch somewhere and the most we can do is try to have closure; not with them but with ourselves…coming to terms with why it all went wrong and why it is now necessary to move on…not dwelling on what was or what might have bin but ONLY on what IS.
To you who made me feel like my heart was ripped out from my ribcage, thrown off the roof of a small building and smashed by oncoming traffic lol, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Yeah I know m a couple of hours too early but still…GOD BLESS YOU IMMENSELY. I ♡U.
Women have a hardcore desire to throw themselves at the frontline of pain. #GoFigure.
As usual, all grammatical errors were intended. 😀