Lingering Exes

I’d be heading off to NYSC camp in a few and its going to be my first camping experience tho I can’t say m enthusiastic about is as I have come to realise that I get along better with other people when I am not around them. Just kidding.
Human Relationships a’re complex and they are dynamic. When it is a love relationship it gets even more complicated and this is largely due to the fact that where and when the heart is involved, there are usually little or no certainties:’ ‘a risk, no guarantees’. The best a person can do is give it their best shot. Nevertheless, I always encourage people to see every relationship as a learning experience however the outcome.
Lingering exes…
Okay sometime last year while dating my now ex boyfriend, I had a picture of my prior Ex (confusing, I know but I am sure you get the ‘gist’ . And again, Lord please let me not leave a long trail of exes behind before finding The One) as my blackberry messenger display picture. A friend saw it and asked whom the dude was and without thinking my reply was,
‘He is the most important man in my life.’
It was only after the words were out of my head and delivered to the receiver I realised how wrong they were considering the fact that I was supposed to be in a committed relationship with another ‘man’.
On bin friends with an Ex, different people have different things to say. While some tend to see it as a bad idea, others like myself take a more ‘liberal approach’. A friend of mine said, and I quote:
“I would not want to be in a relationship with a guy who still has contact with his Ex. That shii is inappropriate and there is no justifying it.”
Another friend said her curiosity to see what becomes of her Ex far outweighs any rational argument to cut ties.
On my part I think being friends with an Ex is okay even though my reasons for bin on the understanding side of the ‘friends with your ex’ continuum are entirely selfish.
Two relationships ago I met an incredible young man who in so little time taught me a whole lot and have subsequently become indispensable to me, such that my life’s story ‘might’ be incomplete if he doesn’t feature significantly in it. Though he is an Ex, he is first and most importantly a very good friend and I dread to think of such a time I might not be allowed to have him in my life as just that…a friend. Yeah, like you are already thinking being friends with him complicated my life a little bit not because I was trying to rekindle the flames of what we once had but strictly cos unconsciously I made him the ‘standard’ which every other contender for my heart had to measure up against.
Now though I have bin able to put things In perspective. I understand that what we had cannot be duplicated and I know now to treat each person as a distinct individual with their own peculiar strengths and accompanying flaws.
The experts say it is unhealthy to ‘remain friends with an ex who treated you badly and here I am inclined to agree with them. When you choose to remain friends with someone who didn’t treat you well, you actually validate whatever negative ideas that they have about you plus its like giving them a get out of assclown jail free card.
The experts also say you are only allowed to be friends with an Ex if:
-they treated you well.
-enough time has passed and you have both gotten over the loss of the relationship.
But I say adopt the approach that works for you and also works for your current partner so he or she does not begin to feel insecure/uncomfortable.
Love Relationships are complicated. Adding an Ex to the cocktail further complicates it but is the alternative (cutting off all ties) the lesser of both evils? Frankly I don’t think so but hey that’s just my opinion. And if the choice is between a guy who is on a strict ‘no talking’ policy with all of his exes and one who still gets along with a few, I’d always opt for the latter.
One thing I guess we all have in common is that ‘someone’ we would always have special feelings for regardless of whom we might be in a relationship with. However messed up that might seem I don’t think there is an off switch somewhere and the most we can do is try to have closure; not with them but with ourselves…coming to terms with why it all went wrong and why it is now necessary to move on…not dwelling on what was or what might have bin but ONLY on what IS.

P.S.
To you who made me feel like my heart was ripped out from my ribcage, thrown off the roof of a small building and smashed by oncoming traffic lol, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Yeah I know m a couple of hours too early but still…GOD BLESS YOU IMMENSELY. I ♡U.

Women have a hardcore desire to throw themselves at the frontline of pain. #GoFigure.

As usual, all grammatical errors were intended. 😀

#CONFESSIONS 3

Grief is a natural response to loss.
I lost something I never really had and
yet still the pain of my loss absolutely
boggled my mind.
They say the pain of loss is severe
because the pleasure of life is so great;
it demonstrates the supreme value of
what is lost.
Not in my case tho.
There was no understanding the value
of what I lost when I never really had it
in the first place. But the grief and pain
was inevitable just like thunder after
lightning.
One of the primary xteristics of being
human is knowing what constitutes
right and wrong and what it means to
be responsible whether one chooses
to be or not. but often times when
presented With a tough choice we take
the seeming easy route. At least I did.
Only to realize that there is no absolute
easy way out of a self induced tough
situation. Actions have consequences
and as much as we might try to evade
it, life(karma) would always have the
final word and those words are not
always pleasant.
Grief has about 5-7 identified stages
and I am still going through the
process. There are so many things I’d
do differently if given the chance and
despite how totally messed up I get
sometimes I never forget to tell myself
that I am FINE because tho it might not
be totally true right now, I trust that
eventually it would be.
Grief… loss…
I have lost but I have also gained. I
gained a deeper awareness of self. A
self that has enabled me clarify my
purpose in life and rediscover the
wonder Of the present moment. For
tHo my body may be broken, my
thoughts confused and my emotions
troubled, I am hopeful that life can still
be good.
The moral lesson here is that age long
saying : evry dark cloud has a silver
lining. You might not See it almost
immediately…but keep looking…And
eventually you just would.

#STOLEN…*wink*

*saw this on facebook and just had to steal it…lol*
Long Distance Relationship aren’t
always ideal.
In fact, they’re really tough.
You spend countless of hours just
talking through a phone or through a
screen.
You can’t see the person when you
want to or when you most need it.
You can’t hug, you can’t hold hands,
you can’t kiss.
You lose the intimacy in a physical
sense.
But then,
Your relationship becomes based on
each other and nothing else.
You learn to communicate,
because a long-distance relationship
without communication is nothing.
You learn to trust, because you can’t
always see or know everything the
person is doing.
You learn to sacrifice, because
someone’s always going to lose a bit of
sleep from the time difference.
And lastly, you learn to appreciate.
So often, we take for granted the
people and relationships in our lives
because we think they’ll always be
there.
But When you only have a limited
amount of time with a person,
you learn to appreciate and cherish
every single moment you have with
them.
When you finally see that person after
weeks or months of seeing them only
through a computer screen,
It is one of the greatest feelings in the
world.
When you’ve waited for something so
long and you finally have it,
you cherish it. The key to a long-
distance relationship is faith.
If both of you are not willing to give up,
If both of you are willing to stand up
and still try after every time one of you
or both of you fall.
“Distance isn’t for the fearful, it’s for
the bold.
It’s for those who are willing to spend
a lot of time alone in exchange for the
little time with the one they love.
It’s for knowing a good thing when
they see it, even if they don’t see it
nearly enough.”

#CONFESSIONS 4

Twelve year old saif lost both his
parents in a bomb attack in which he
was also injured,in the province of
diyala in 2005. In his words;
“there is no life when you have lost
your father and mother”.
The worst moment in ziba’s life
occurred when a dozen drunken
Serbian militiamen stormed into the
school gymnasium in which she and
more than 100 other young Muslim
women were being held along with
their children.
“They came in with guns and grenades
and they screamed at us…then one of
2 chetniks told me to undress…he said
if I didn’t do what they wanted they
would cut my throat. I believed
them.,.so they both raped me.one
after the other. It took half an
hour,…from that day on it never
stopped. The rapes went on day and
night for a month”.
Like everyother person I go through
tough times and m usually tempted to
go into major depression. but all I
need do is skim through print and
online media to see the sufferings of
other innocent folks , and i snap out of
my misery because then I realize one
truth that I believe we can all relate
with to a very large extent ;
‘I do not suffer in isolation’.
So many persons today do not believe
in God simply because of the presence
of evil and unjustified sufferings in the
world today. As regards this early
philosophers proposed;
“God is all knowing
God is all powerful
God is love
You can logically justify any 2 but never
all three.
Becaus3 evil and suffering exist”.
I do not intend to make sense out of
the Aforementioned analogy but as
Much as I believe in God I also belie’ve
in purpose.
We are often told everything happens
for a reason but what they almost
always forget to add is that sometimes
we do not need to UNDERSTAND the
reason, we just have to ACCEPT it.
I do not understand how a child can
be conceived and subsequently grow
inside a woman but I accept it.
I do not understand how a man blind
from birth can pray to the statue of the
virgin Mary carved from wood and
immediately r3gains his sight but I
accept it.
I do not understand the exchange that
took place on the cross bringing
redemption and justification to all men
but I believe it and accept it.
I do not understand why even though
being with him did hurt me a whole
lot, being away from him hurts even
more…but I accept it.
I do not understand why and how
Tonto convinced herself that she was
musically gifted but hey…I accept it.
Lol…
Truth is we would never get to
understand it all:
Why good peopl3 die young.
Why innocent children suffer.
Why the truth hurts.
etc.
But we accept it believing that there is
a greater good in all of these which we
might get a glimpse of if we are open
minded enough to look at the big
picture, beyond that which our
ordinary eyes can see.
We do not suffer in isolation.
But then sometimes when we do
suffer, let’s try to remember this and
be comforted it:
‘God might not ‘part your red sea’ just
only so ‘you can walk on water.
Go figure.
God bless.

#CONFESSIONS 2

The day the lord gives is ended and
darkness falls.
I conjure your face and it is like a
vision, my very first.
I am on my knees…no. i am on all
fours.
For though I never touched you, your
true nature I did feel.
Life’s force, one dwelling inside
another, an unraveled mystery.
whereever you are my thoughts go
with you.
But my heart implores you,
Sleep sweet dear one…sail away on an
empty sea of nothingness.
And Release me.
The pain is so intense it jolts me out of
my reverie,
And Just like my minds sketch of your
face it seems unreal.
Yet it strikes clean, pierces deep and
shatters my ‘self’ once whole,
Relentlessly attacking the inside of my
soul.
I cry out in despair like a fatally
wounded animal,
But I can’t hear myself, this is a silent
scream of pain.
I scratch myself with blunt nails
Trying to draw blood to compensate
for blood drawn.
Yet I cannot feel a thing, numb have I
become.
The blindness that is setting in is
inevasible.
It isn’t a physical phenomena but one
of the ‘self’.
I am Trapped in this dark place that
whispers my secrets.
I need a way out for Its cold in here
and I am scared.
This fear is one laced with shame and
guilt. but How do I take one step forward
and away
Not knowing what I might be stepping
into?
how can I see what’s in front of me
When i am too terrified to confront that
which I left behind?
Sleep sweet my dear one… sail away
on an empty sea of nothingness.
You want your pound of flesh?
Here, take two.
But please give me relief if only half full.
Give me back my voice The sound of which I cannot now recall.
Benumb me  so I can bury this pain under more pain.
Give me sight. Give me light.
So I can see the steps ahead and thus tread carefully.
Set me free so I can become whole again.
Don’t give me peace,
Don’t give me hope,
I do not deserve that magnitude of kindness.
But as the sun sets…
The day the lord gives is ended and darkness falls.
I conjure your face and it is like a vision, my very first.
I am on my knees…no,I am on all fours.
…my heart implores you…
Sleep sweet my dear one…sail away on an empty sea of nothingness.
And RELEASE ME.

#CONFESSIONS 1

To be quite honest I wasn’t the most
beautiful of kids when growing up. I
wasn’t the lil girl that brides desired to
use to aesthesize their wedding trains.
Lol. Right up through my adolescence
and even into my early teenage life I
was skinny, with a nose slightly too big
for my Face and a whole lot insecure
about my looks.
This made me really shy and self
conscious such that the only place I
could find solace and an other worldly
amount of comfort was not in a room
filled with living, breathing, people but
rather unmoving inanimate books. I
discovered a world where anything
was possible and you could choose to
be whatever cool thing u wanted to be
from a fairy princess to an estranged
lover seeking revenge to a serial killer
(lol) as well as a detective investigating
the theft of the U.S. declaration of
independence. Anything was possible
if you allowed ur imagination teleport
you into the mind of the writer,the plot
of the story and the sequence of
events.
I discovered the world of books.
I took a peek into science n geography
n nature n psychology n religion etc.
I discovered a world of knowledge and
I was never lonely or insecure again. At
a really young age I shunned all things
childlike, sadly. No playing in the sand
or watching numerous cartoon flicks or
even playing house with dolls. I was
overwhelmed by my desire to KNOW
because I thought, if I can’t get their
attention with my looks I’d get it with
the things that I know that they don’t.
In the battle between beauty and brains,
How could beauty win when It
wasn’t even present in significant
proportions?
I discovered the power of the mind
and just how much superior it was to
the power of beauty. And yet still, I fuel
my mind in the hope that it doesn’t
lose it’s strength.
In todays world the packing is more
important than the content. The cover
of the book is more
important the book itself. The cast of
the movie attracts the audiences to
theatres than the
storyline.
Just like that, when you meet a human
being, the
very first thing that you notice is the
way he looks. It’s very natural, nothing
wrong about that.
Beauty is important especially in fields
were it is necessary. But the mind is
the power house of an individual. it
has the capacity to make the seeming
impossible, possible.
Quite frankly “the brains will be the
ones either interviewing
the beauties some day or be the boss
of the
beauties”.
Look beyond the physical and
maximize your minds potentials.
Now v got both so either ways m
covered.
*big smile*

SEX’CESS: SEX and SucCESS correlation.

image

My one time ‘oga at the top’ was quite fond of saying, there is great power in our sexuality and understanding it is the first step to  a succesful life. And after not so much probing would go on to explain why he thought so. Truth be told Mr Michael was just intrigued by sex as a subject matter and that intrigue was expressed in myriad not too subtle ways. But i digress.
In ‘think n grow rich’,a book my dad made me read in my early teens (and people wonder why/how i turned out this ‘way’ *sigh*) Napoleon hill wrote:
“sexual desire is the most powerful of human desires and when driven by this desire men develop keenness of imagination, courage, Wil power, persistence and creative ability, UNknown to them most times…” (Ladies wonder no more why the average guy gets uber creative,focused and determined when the goal is to ‘hit that’.:D)
But as  incredible as this observation is,it is also difficult to act upon as many people are not comfortable discussing sexuality openly or in such terms. I admit,i am the poster girl for this category of persons. Yeah the occasional jokes and sexual innuendoes i can very well relate with (little wonder why ‘2broke girls’ is one of my favourite sitcoms right now)but when it comes down to the real stuff,my reverend sister alter takes over.
This can be attributed largely and in part to our familiar society.One that has attached to the concept of sex, a foreboding mysteriousness and  an uncleanliness which is only partially reversed after the I do’s.
Still it is important that we raise our awareness and see the importance of moving past cultural and societal barriers because sexual activity is one of our basic functioning like eating and sleeping.(No. U did not hear/ read this from me. :D)
So how can sex bring you success?
A loving relationship that has a healthy sexual connection is a necessary foundation. Especially if it’s one that is alive and you are constantly growing and learning from it.
(I would not encourage casual sex as it is very unhealthy).
Laura Garnet wrote:
“Sex and love combined is the secret sauce…great connected loving sex can be the  fuel u are looking for that next big idea or inspiration you need to start a new product or biz line”,
This could be fact or fiction depending on how you choose to look at it but i am  inclined to Lean more towards Fact after careful consideration of ‘all the evidence before me’…hehe…
In my online study i found out that a whole lot of research have been carried out on this sex,success (sex’cess) correlation.Men n women of different occupation have bin interviewed and all these interviews collected and sorted accordingly.
Along with this extensive research is the proposed medical and  social benefits of having Sex.(For more on this,contact me.*winks*)
Even Napoleon Hill provided statistics showing that almost all of the world’s most successful men have satisfying sex lives.
The concensus opinion is that sex improves the health status of an individual on the mental as well as physical level. This fit and fine body and sharp brain would result in significant progress in the professional life. Leading to the conclusion that sex is an essential nature of who we are and there is a direct correlation btween it and success. The more of it you have,the more of the latter you would achieve.
The moral of the story is:
Be more aware and concious of your sexuality. Indulge in meaningful satisfying sex and watch everything in your life ‘turning around for your good’. :D)
Most importantly,do not ask me if i take my own advice!
*yawns*

P.s
-Scientific Fact: Guys get used to cuddling.:)
-This is a product of partial insomvnia. As such,No inference of the nature of my true character can be drawn from it,:D
-As usual,all grammatical errors were intended.