the VAGINA MONOLOGUES…

In Retrospect:
I don’t prioritise God!

I read a lot of print and online media hence my ‘superior intellect’.

Don’t try to understand why I wear a green pair of socks. Its beyond human comprehension.
Lol.

Exams are fast approaching. So much to write about but so little time. For the next couple of weeks I’d be featuring a whole lot of other writers and bloggers and occasionally with a little ‘something’ from me as some sort of outro.

The Vagina monologues is an episodic play by Eve Ensler that deals with an aspect of the feminine experience, touching on matters such as sex, love, rape, menstruation, female genital mutilation, masturbation, birth, orgasm, the various common names for the vagina, or simply as a physical aspect of the body.
I chose this piece for reasons I am yet to understand. *sighs*

Finally as a warning if you decide to read further,just remember, YOU DECIDED!

*From the Vagina Monologues*

(Host)
I’M JUST GONNA ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS
AND JUST ANSWER WHATEVER YOU’RE COMFORTABLE ANSWERING.
DON’T GO ANY FURTHER THAN YOU FEEL LIKE GOING. AND IF YOU WANT TO ADD SOMETHING LATER ON TO A QUESTION I’VE ASKED YOU, THAT’S FINE TOO.

((Host)
WHEN WAS THE FIRST TIME YOU SAW IT ?

(Guest)
YOU KNOW, IT WAS SORT OF LIKE AN ACCIDENTAL THING. THERE WAS LIKE A MIRROR ON THE FLOOR, AND I WALKED UP AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT, WHAT WAS THAT? I HAVE TO GO HOME AND DO SOME RESEARCH. I DIDN’T LOOK AT MYSELF ‘TIL PROBABLY IN COLLEGE.
I DON’T EVEN SAY THE WORD TO MY OB-GYN.
AND I WENT TO THE LIBRARY, I’M SNEAKING IN THE LIBRARY,
LOOKING THROUGH THE BOOKS, AND YOU KNOW,
LIKE I’M COVERING THE BOOK WITH LIKE SOMETHING ELSE. AND THEN IT’S LIKE,
“ADMIRE IT, IT’S A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER,
YOU KNOW, IT’S LIKE ROSES”. I’M LIKE, WE’R E NOT LOOKING AT THE SAME THING. I TOOK PHOTOS OF IT. I HAD A POLAROID CAMER
AND I WOULD GO INTO THE BATHROOM
AND TAKE A PICTURE.

((Host)
ARE YOU EMBARRASSED ?

(Guest)
YES. ALL THOSE THINGS ARE KIND OF LIKE SECRET. YOU KNOW,IT’S LIKE YOUR OWN LITTLE JOY.
((Host)
I REALIZED THERE WAS NO CONTEXT
IN WHICH WOMEN EVER TALK ABOUT THEIR VAGINAS. SO, I JUST STARTED CASUALLY SAYING TO FRIENDS OF MINE, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR VAGINA? WHAT DO YOU THINK? AND OVER THE COURSE OF ABOUT THREE TO FIVE YEARS, I HAD INTERVIEWED OVER 200 WOMEN.
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE TALKING ABOUT IT ?

(Guest)
VERY STRANGE. I THINK IT’S LIBERATING, BUT IT’S KIND OF FUNNY TOO. I AM ANXIOUS, KIND OF NERVOUS, NOT REALLY SURE OF WHAT I’M GONNA SAY. I REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE LIKE, UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT IT’S NOT.
YOU MAKE IT KIND OF EASY.
((Host)
I’VE BEEN ON THE TRAIL FOR A LONG TIME
AND I DON’T THINK I’M GETTING OFF IT ANY TIME SOON. EVERYTHING ON THE WALL, ALL OF THESE WERE GIFTS OR PHOTOGRAPHS OR THINGS THAT HAVE FOUND ME OR HAVE BEEN GIVEN TO ME AS I TRAVELED AROUND THE WORLD.
WELL, FIRST I’D LIKE TO INTRODUCE VAGINA BARBIE, COMPLETE WITH DUCK LIPS.
A LOVELY…
VAGINA CANDLE.
THIS SALAD HERE…
THAT’S A VAGINA SALAD.
THIS IS A VULVA PUPPET.
THEY ACTUALLY TALK.
THERE’S A WHOLE WORLD OF VAGINA LIFE OUT THERE,WHICH I FIND THRILLING.
SO, WHEN THE SHOW WAS FIRST DONE DOWNTOWN,GUYS WOULD CALL UP AND SAY,
CAN I HAVE TICKETS TO “THE VAGINA DIALOGUES” ?
AND WOMEN WOULD CALL UP AND SAY,
CAN I HAVE TICKETS TO “THE MONOLOGUES” ?
I’VE HEARD PEOPLE CALL IT “THE VIAGRA CHRONICLES.”
AND THERE WAS THIS PUNK TICKET TAKER,
AND SHE WOULD SAY, “LISTEN, IF YOU CAN’T SAY THE NAME, YOU CAN’T COME.
NOW, TRY AGAIN, TRY AGAIN.”
I BET YOU’RE WORRIED.
I WAS WORRIED.
THAT’S WHY I BEGAN THIS PIECE.
I WAS WORRIED ABOUT VAGINAS. I WAS WORRIED WHAT WE THINK ABOUT VAGINAS. AND I WAS EVEN MORE WORRIED THAT WE DON’T THINK ABOUT THEM. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT MY OWN VAGINA. IT NEEDED A CONTEXT, A COMMUNITY,
A CULTURE OF OTHER VAGINAS. THERE IS SO MUCH DARKNESS AND SECRECY SURROUNDING THEM, LIKE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE,
NOBODY EVER REPORTS BACK FROM THERE.
IN THE FIRST PLACE, IT’S NOT SO EASY TO EVEN FIND YOUR VAGINA.
WOMEN GO DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS, WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT. I INTERVIEWED A HIGH-POWERED BUSINESSWOMAN, SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDN’T HAVE TIME.

LOOKING AT YOUR VAGINA SHE SAID, IS A FULL DAY’S WORK. YOU’VE GOT TO GET DOWN THERE, ON YOUR BACK, IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR, FULL-LENGTH PREFERRED. YOU’VE GOT TO GET IN THE PERFECT POSITION, WITH THE PERFECT LIGHT WHICH THEN BECOMES SHADOWED BY THE ANGLE YOU’RE AT. YOU’RE TWISTING YOUR HEAD UP, ARCHING YOUR BACK, IT’S EXHAUSTING!

SHE WAS BUSY.

SHE DIDN’T HAVE TIME.

SO, I DECIDED TO TALK TO WOMEN ABOUT THEIR VAGINAS. THEY BEGAN AS CASUAL VAGINA INTERVIEWS, AND THEY TURNED INTO VAGINA MONOLOGUES.
I TALKED WITH OVER 200 WOMEN.
I TALKED TO YOUNGER WOMEN, OLDER WOMEN, MARRIED WOMEN,LESBIANS, SINGLE WOMEN,
I TALKED TO COLLEGE PROFESSORS, CORPORATE PROFESSIONALS,ACTORS, SEX WORKERS.
I TALKED TO AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN,
ASIAN-AMERICAN WOMEN, HISPANIC WOMEN,
NATIVE-AMERICAN WOMEN, CAUCASIAN WOMEN,
JEWISH WOMEN.
AT FIRST, WOMEN WERE A LITTLE SHY,
A LITTLE RELUCTANT TO TALK.
BUT ONCE THEY GOT GOING, YOU COULDN’T STOP THEM.

WOMEN LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEIR VAGINAS, THEY DO.
THEY REALLY DO. MAINLY BECAUSE NO ONE’S EVER ASKED THEM BEFORE. LET’S JUST START WITH THE WORD VAGINA.

VAGINA.
IT SOUNDS LIKE AN INFECTION AT BEST. MAYBE A MEDICAL INSTRUMENT
“HURRY, NURSE, BRING ME THE VAGINA.”

VAGINA.

VAGINA.

IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU SAY THE WORD,
IT NEVER SOUNDS LIKE A WORD YOU WANT TO SAY.
IT’S A COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS,
TOTALLY UNSEXY WORD.

IF YOU USE IT DURING SEX, TRYING TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT YOU KILL THE ACT RIGHT THERE. I’M WORRIED WHAT WE CALL IT AND DON’T CALL IT.

IN GREAT NECK, NEW YORK, THEY CALL IT A “PUSSYCAT”.
A WOMAN TOLD ME THERE, HER MOTHER USED TO TELL HER,
“DON’T WEAR PANTIES, DEAR, UNDERNEATH YOUR PAJAMAS,
YOU NEED TO AIR OUT YOUR PUSSYCAT.”

IN WESTCHESTER, THEY CALL IT A “POOKIE”.

IN NEW JERSEY, A “TWAT”.

THERE’S “POWDER BOX”,
A “POOCHI”, A “POOPI”,
A “PEE-PEE”, A “POOPALU”,
A “POONINANA” AND A “PICHE”.

I AM WORRIED ABOUT VAGINAS.

*Outro*
Actually am not. Worried about Vaginas I mean.

Just thrilled by the fact that someone could start a talk show about something as ‘sensitive’ and ‘classified'(picture this word as written in red block letters) as Vaginas. Even saying the word out loud is a bit strange for me.

When you come to think of it there are so many things that we,especially in this part of the world(and by this I mean the Nigerian society) are reluctant to talk about. But these are real issues affecting real people.

Walk into a room full of girls talking about sex and you tend to feel like you are in a whore house. I know because unfortunately I used to be guilty of this ‘crime of prudishness’. Sometime ago I was in my classmates’ room and there were like 4 other girls there(all of whom I hope are not reading this). Somehow we or rather,they got talking about piercings. The argument was which piercing was more painful: that done on the tongue or on the clitoris.

THru out that very awkward argument I was more or less dumb. As much as it grossed me out I couldn’t leave for 2 reasons:
-i really was obligated to wait for my friend because we needed to go somewhere together.
-and as inappropriate as I tot it was, it was an insightful argument none the less.

Afterwards for a long time I was of the opinion that those ‘girls’ were dumb and that the conversation/argument was really silly. Now though I beg to differ,at least to a certain extent.

Truth is as much as things are taking a different turn (I mean girls go around dressed like circus clowns and boys think its ‘dope’ addressing a girl as ‘pretty little thing’ ) we are still very much as conservatve about our conversations as our grandparents probably were in their days,give or take a few exceptions.
*Notice my use of hyperbole here*

(At this point I’d have to say this:
When u shag and brag,or tell tales of your sexcapades or talk vulgar and trashy,it doesn’t make you any less conservatve. Just incredibly silly and crude.)

That aside,some sundays ago in my fellowship at school the topic of the sermon was ‘sex’ and it was an enlightening experience for me. Though I could not help but notice how the various speakers tried as much as possible to avoid terms like ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ and ‘boobs’ and other such ‘words-that-must-not-be-mentioned’.
Its funny really. There are still boys that cringe when they hear the word menstruation and when some girls hear you say penis they look at you like you have the mark of the beast on your fore head.

And over there is someone having a talk show with ‘Vagina’ as its predominant theme.
Wow!

But why is it almost impossible for us to ever comfortably talk about these ‘seeming’ inappropriate things considering the fact that we are all adults. Agreed there are some really ‘deep things’ that should be left unsaid and conversations that are just unnecessary,there are also things that should be voiced. Let’s please talk about the elephant in the room. For instance,(and the next 4lines are a figMent of YOUR imagination)
You want to know if your boyfriend has ever been silly enough to measure his penis,ask him!
You need help understanding the technicallities of your girlfriend”s menstrual cycle,ask her.
Lol…

Sex,sexual organs,sexual pleasures and other related concepts dominate our society presently. Sometimes though not everything is as it seems and as regards this issue,ignorance is not bliss. To make right decisions you need to be well informed and enlightened. So if there is something u are curious about,something you need to know,something you need help with,something you need more clarification on and etcetera etcetera, ask someone or as my friend would always say,’Google it’.

Still, Me wey dey talk sef I sometimes give the word Prude a whole new definition. I anticipate a time though when I would not only be able to talk about some ‘things’ without wincing but also in so doing people would not consider weird or ‘un righteous’.

What got me started on this ‘matter’ sef?
(Bbm thinking smiley)

Anyway,I plead sleep deprivation and partial insomnia.
Go Figure.

Nice weekend y’all.

P.s:
1.) Phrase- ‘deep things’
Meaning- refer to @Nugwatweets

Phrase- ‘superior intellect’
Meaning- refer to @Jamestha3D

2.) Yes yes yes I can speak and write pidgin english. Don’t let my accent fool you.

3.) As usual all grammatical errors were fully intended.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

4 thoughts on “the VAGINA MONOLOGUES…

  1. Lollll…… Uhmm truth be told wat makes peeps see penis,vagina nd d lks as big ish is the fact dat our minds re too corrupt 1ce we here them we start tynkin sex wen actualy they re just parts of the body

  2. 6:01:11PM
    iWas iN The Office Wen iRead Dis Post & iCouldt Help Buh Laugh Out Loud… Everyone Was Wondering Wah Was Givin Me So Much Joy Considering The Fact That Some1 had Just Been Sacked That Same Morning. So iTried To Explain Wah Was Goin oN And Unlike Some People, iDid Mention PENIS, VAGINA, CLITORIS aCouple oF Times & Den….BAM!!! You Knw That Look You Talked About Yeah, The One Wer They Look at You Like You Av Got Tha Mark oF The Beast On Ur Forehead…. Yeah That Look, Tha Was Wah They Had. iWanted To Tell Them This was Gonna Happen Buh Den…. \( ˘˘̯) Pttfth
    I’m Gonna Take This Issue “CtrlP” -___- iThink I’m Gonna Continue From Wer You Left Off iN My Next Post,Cos iDon’t Understand Why People Just Hide Away Form Things That Are Just Normal iSay “Hand” “Leg” “Waist” iN Tha Public And No One Has aProblem Wiv iT Buh Den iWisper “VIGINA” and Der Is Trouble Like iT’s Not Part oF The Human Body…!!! iTs VIGINA As iN V I G I N A …. Don’t Try To Make iT Sound Posh or Proper iTs Already Proper…!!!!!!

    PS: iTs Not F*#K or F**k or even “The F Word” iTs FUCK…!!! iF You Can’t Type iT Properly Ðon’t Attempt To Use iT….!!!!

    Tnx.

  3. VAGINA.
    IT SOUNDS LIKE AN INFECTION AT BEST.
    MAYBE A MEDICAL INSTRUMENT
    “HURRY, NURSE, BRING ME THE VAGINA.”…lmao!

    This is fascinating i must say.

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