when in doubt,kiss him/her

In retrospect:
I am not an exciting crazy girl. On the contrary I am just your regular ‘sista’,living a life I know is not ‘mine’ and earnestly trying to b good in action,words and deeds.
And to whom it may concern,I have 41 bbm contacts as against 37 last week. I am not a Loner. *smiles*

Now…

I have this theory,

“When in doubt,kiss him/her” .Jennifer Melah;(2012).

-now I feel very isaac Newton-ish.

For the sake of this post, a first kiss is that which you have with someone,anyone for the very first time. And really there nothing as bad as a terrible first kiss especially when you have built expectations over time.

I am going to level with you all. My very first kiss ever was well errrmmmmm…’Okay’ I guess. ‘Okay’ for 2 major reasons;
-my inexperience.
-my absolute lack of expectations.

I give it 6 points out of 10.
I was 16,just 3 months into the university and he was more or less the first boy I was interested in’ like that’. All these together and you have 2 points. One point for him being reasonably cute. Another for being able to get my attention and keep it. Another still for it being a very spontaneous kiss and the final point for the fact that he didn’t use so much spiTtle and tongue.(I am very particular about the thought of some other person’s tongue down my throat and maybe choking me to death. What a way to die. *sighs*)

Still on that first kiss,the curious ‘cat’ in me wanted more. And even much more. So I guess it was not too bad an experience. I can look back on it without regrets though I must say that subsequent events between HIM and me,were regretful. Bottom line the fairy tale I had told myself a couple of times before going to bed,featuring us both as its major characters never became reality. Even after giving him a second chance.(I believe in second chances). There were no castles,enchanted forests,silver slippers,fairy God mother and all that. Just that ‘poisoned apple’ of which I unfortunately took a bite. *takes a short break to sob*

“When in doubt,kiss him/her”.

Yes.

For every time I am uncertain about how I feel or ought to feel about someone I just go ahead and kiss them.

Kissing feels great. I think it is magical even though we are talking about lips and tongues and other people’s spit. Naturally before the ‘event’ itself there are expectations I sub consciously build though I try to tamper it down by not expecting birds singing and mist swirling around as soon as we lock lips. Still every kiss is an experience. A moment to be captured in time. So if that first kiss goes wrong and I mean really wrong, then I mentally begin to re-evaluate things. Remember I believe in 2nd chances. If after subsequent trials there is still that awkwardness and no hunger for ‘more’…oh well I think you have just been FRIENDZONED.

What got me started on this kissing theory thing was my ‘awesomeness’ (LOL) and an online quiz I stumbled upon in the wee hours of this morning-not like I really needed to take the quiz because I am pretty confident about my kissing skills.So these are a list of the questions I was asked and my candid answers to them;

1. When I kiss someone for the first time.
-make it as light as possible.

2. Really wet kisses are?
-fun at times but not for everyday consumption.

3. French kissing is a more intimate kind of kissing and is best enjoyed when you really like the person you are smooching with.
-True.

4. Every body likes french kissing.
-false.

5. French kissing Is an invitation to sex.
-False.

6. When kissing with braces the key to success is?
-just do it like you would without braces.

7. Kissing someone who smokes is less enjoyable than kissing a non-smoker.
-False(is this question for real?)

8. Bad breath is the number one reason people stop from kissing someone they really like.
-True.

9. If your kissing partner had bad breath what would u do?
-Cringe and avoid any further lip locking.

10. If you kissing partner hinted that you had bad breath what would you do?
-take out the listerine breath spray and give a few squirts on the spot then lean in for more loving. (LOL)

11. Some of the most interesting kisses happen on the neck,cheeks,shoulder and arms.
-True.

12. The only kind of kissing that counts is deep mouth kissing with tongue.
-False(what’s with all these tongue wahala sef?)

13. If somebody really likes you you would be able to tell from the first kiss.
-True.

14. Which of the following best describes your preferred technique.
-soft,light,gentle and unhurried.

15. If your kissing style had a theme song what would it be?
-something sentimental like ‘a moment like this’ by Kelly Clarkson.

16. What do you do with your hands when you kiss?
-depends on the mood but they don’t stay at my side.

17. How many people who you really were not romantically interested in have you kissed?
-*sorry but for this answer you would have to meet with me in private* LOL

18. When kissing you prefer to take the lead.
-false.

19. If you don’t like the way a person is kissing you you would find a nice way to let them know?
-True

20. The best kisses are the kind that makes your head spin and your heart race.
-True.

21. If kissing were an olympic what sport would your standing be?
-Silver( was going to tick d ‘gold’ option but I was trying to be ‘not-too-cocky’)

22. When kissing you like to try new things.
-True.

23. The prospect of kissing somebody you really like makes you get excited.
-True.

24. The worst thing that can happen to a kissing is?
-Teeth banging.

25. The most common reaction you get after a first kiss is?
-More kisses. (I am that good).

At the end of it all my score was…(In Barney Stintson’s Voice) wait-for-it…59. Barely above average. I was stunned. There goes my confidence and long held belief that I am a pretty good ‘kisser’. According to the result, ‘I know the basics but can’t seem to find my own special technique’. ‘TF?!

My creativity process was initiated. Now looking back on that result I guess the process has been stalled. I am still in a state of shock,disbelief and of course Denial.

How to reboost my confidence? *Bbm thinking smiley*
I nees to kiss someone! Some body!! Any body!!!
*Tears*

P.s: as usual all grammatical errors were fully intended.
And as regards the ‘is kissing a sin’ debate, one of my favourite pastor has this to say;
‘How close do you want to get to ‘sin’?
Nice week Y’all.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

When In Doubt,Kiss Him/Her.

In retrospect:
I am not an exciting crazy girl. On the contrary I am just your regular ‘sista’,living a life I know is not ‘mine’ and earnestly trying to b good in action,words and deeds.
And to whom it may concern,I have 41 bbm contacts as against 37 last week. I am not a Loner. *smiles*

Now…

I have this theory,

“When in doubt,kiss him/her” .Jennifer Melah;(2012).

-now I feel very isaac Newton-ish.

For the sake of this post, a first kiss is that which you have with someone,anyone for the very first time. And really there nothing as bad as a terrible first kiss especially when you have built expectations over time.

I am going to level with you all. My very first kiss ever was well errrmmmmm…’Okay’ I guess. ‘Okay’ for 2 major reasons;
-my inexperience.
-my absolute lack of expectations.

I give it 6 points out of 10.
I was 16,just 3 months into the university and he was more or less the first boy I was interested in’ like that’. All these together and you have 2 points. One point for him being reasonably cute. Another for being able to get my attention and keep it. Another still for it being a very spontaneous kiss and the final point for the fact that he didn’t use so much spiTtle and tongue.(I am very particular about the thought of some other person’s tongue down my throat and maybe choking me to death. What a way to die. *sighs*)

Still on that first kiss,the curious ‘cat’ in me wanted more. And even much more. So I guess it was not too bad an experience. I can look back on it without regrets though I must say that subsequent events between HIM and me,were regretful. Bottom line the fairy tale I had told myself a couple of times before going to bed,featuring us both as its major characters never became reality. Even after giving him a second chance.(I believe in second chances). There were no castles,enchanted forests,silver slippers,fairy God mother and all that. Just that ‘poisoned apple’ of which I unfortunately took a bite. *takes a short break to sob*

“When in doubt,kiss him/her”.

Yes.

For every time I am uncertain about how I feel or ought to feel about someone I just go ahead and kiss them.

Kissing feels great. I think it is magical even though we are talking about lips and tongues and other people’s spit. Naturally before the ‘event’ itself there are expectations I sub consciously build though I try to tamper it down by not expecting birds singing and mist swirling around as soon as we lock lips. Still every kiss is an experience. A moment to be captured in time. So if that first kiss goes wrong and I mean really wrong, then I mentally begin to re-evaluate things. Remember I believe in 2nd chances. If after subsequent trials there is still that awkwardness and no hunger for ‘more’…oh well I think you have just been FRIENDZONED.

What got me started on this kissing theory thing was my ‘awesomeness’ (LOL) and an online quiz I stumbled upon in the wee hours of this morning-not like I really needed to take the quiz because I am pretty confident about my kissing skills.So these are a list of the questions I was asked and my candid answers to them;

1. When I kiss someone for the first time.
-make it as light as possible.

2. Really wet kisses are?
-fun at times but not for everyday consumption.

3. French kissing is a more intimate kind of kissing and is best enjoyed when you really like the person you are smooching with.
-True.

4. Every body likes french kissing.
-false.

5. French kissing Is an invitation to sex.
-False.

6. When kissing with braces the key to success is?
-just do it like you would without braces.

7. Kissing someone who smokes is less enjoyable than kissing a non-smoker.
-False(is this question for real?)

8. Bad breath is the number one reason people stop from kissing someone they really like.
-True.

9. If your kissing partner had bad breath what would u do?
-Cringe and avoid any further lip locking.

10. If you kissing partner hinted that you had bad breath what would you do?
-take out the listerine breath spray and give a few squirts on the spot then lean in for more loving. (LOL)

11. Some of the most interesting kisses happen on the neck,cheeks,shoulder and arms.
-True.

12. The only kind of kissing that counts is deep mouth kissing with tongue.
-False(what’s with all these tongue wahala sef?)

13. If somebody really likes you you would be able to tell from the first kiss.
-True.

14. Which of the following best describes your preferred technique.
-soft,light,gentle and unhurried.

15. If your kissing style had a theme song what would it be?
-something sentimental like ‘a moment like this’ by Kelly Clarkson.

16. What do you do with your hands when you kiss?
-depends on the mood but they don’t stay at my side.

17. How many people who you really were not romantically interested in have you kissed?
-*sorry but for this answer you would have to meet with me in private* LOL

18. When kissing you prefer to take the lead.
-false.

19. If you don’t like the way a person is kissing you you would find a nice way to let them know?
-True

20. The best kisses are the kind that makes your head spin and your heart race.
-True.

21. If kissing were an olympic what sport would your standing be?
-Silver( was going to tick d ‘gold’ option but I was trying to be ‘not-too-cocky’)

22. When kissing you like to try new things.
-True.

23. The prospect of kissing somebody you really like makes you get excited.
-True.

24. The worst thing that can happen to a kissing is?
-Teeth banging.

25. The most common reaction you get after a first kiss is?
-More kisses. (I am that good).

At the end of it all my score was…(In Barney Stintson’s Voice) wait-for-it…59. Barely above average. I was stunned. There goes my confidence and long held belief that I am a pretty good ‘kisser’. According to the result, ‘I know the basics but can’t seem to find my own special technique’. ‘TF?!

My creativity process was initiated. Now looking back on that result I guess the process has been stalled. I am still in a state of shock,disbelief and of course Denial.

How to reboost my confidence? *Bbm thinking smiley*
I nees to kiss someone! Some body!! Any body!!!
*Tears*

P.s: as usual all grammatical errors were fully intended.
And as regards the ‘is kissing a sin’ debate, one of my favourite pastor has this to say;
‘How close do you want to get to ‘sin’?
Nice week Y’all.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

An ExcerPt

6 hours later…

“My head was throbbing. I shut my eyes and felt myself slipping into a black hole of dread and oblivion. People seemed to recede from sight until they appeared to be standing far away on some distant horizon. I had trouble hearing what they were saying;their voices seemed faint

“This was my first encounter with existential darkness. And in this time I had some kind of waking dream.

“I dreamt of a setting sun. I was running west trying desperately to catch it and remain in its fiery warmth and light. But I was losing the race.

“The sun was beating me to the horizon and it was soon gone. I suddenly found myself in the twilight. Tired I stopped running and glanced with foreboding over my shoulder to the east.

“I saw a darkness closing in on me. I was so terrified by that darkness. I kept on running after the sun even though I knew that it was futile for it had proven itself faster than I was. I thought that without the sun I would live in absolute darkness forever and with a feeling of terror in my soul I kept running after it.

“Eventually I woke up.

“My forhead felt a little damp and there was a slight ache in my head. My father was no longer in the room and for a short moment that left me confused. I glanced at the wall clock on my right. The time was 4:25pm.

“I figured my father had probably gone to pick up my brothers from school-a ‘chore’ he only did when Mom was unavailable.

“Unavailable? What did that word really mean especially to me? I felt my eyes become moist with tears which I quickly brushed off with the back of my palm.

“You only cry when you’ve lost someone or something. As at that moment I held on to my belief that life as I knew it was still as it was. Whole. Complete. No loss. I refused to see my reality for what it was- something terrible that could not be reversed. I dodged the truth rather than allow myself confront it.”

P.s: as usual all grammatical errors were intended!

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

One Good Heartbreak…#Stolen!

In retrospect:
-i am not a sexist.
-i am not a loner. Slightly introvertish and stingy-with-personal-information but definitely not a loner.
-i can be serious! And long and boring too. Sometimes I just ‘choose’ not to be.

Now…

I read the blog of a dear friend of mine. One of his posts ‘one good heartbreak’ was a nice read if not for anythng else save for the fact that he shares my weird(according to most ‘humans’ actually) view that almost all heartbreaks are a good thing. There is always a lesson to learn from them if you decide to look beyond your apparent pain,guilt,and regret. in the words of the roof top mc’s ‘things don’t happen to us. They happen for us!’

I believe in love. Yes I am a believer because I have been a ‘witness’ and made the ‘confession’ a couple of times(and honestly too proving that the human mind is quite capable of loving more than one person and sometimes even simultaneously).

I believe in love. That which propelled a father to give up his only son for the redemption of the world. A love that we can never understand. We can only but accept it.

I believe in Love. one that does not thrive in the physical but transcends beyond that.(Love is a strong feeling or affection,fondness,tender affection for someone; to feel or show love for; to caress; to be loved. It mentions nothing about having sex with anyone. Love is the feeling you have when your pet dog or ‘cat’ nuzzles you and licks you in the face. IT IS NOT SEX. Love is the feeling you have for your Mom and Dad or brother or sister. IT IS NOT SEX. Love is the way you feel when you are with your best friend and the two of you are telling your life’s secrets(Amen catch your sub!*winks*). IT IS NOT HAVING SEX. Love is a warm, fuzzy feeling that you feel when you see your favourite grandparent or Aunt. IT IS NOT HAVING SEX.)

I don’t have a whole lot of girlfriends but the few I have I totally love and appreciate. I like to think I am someone who makes a lot of sacrifices for her friends(though I expect to receive of the same measure that I have freely given. Sue me!)
So when I see my girls day dream about those that they love and grieve over those that they have ‘lost’ it is always an ‘experience’ for me. Truth is relationships do seem to affect girls emotionally a bit more than they do guys, but this is mostly because girls show their emotions more often than males.

I remember once upon a time I was very much in love with this dude. But somehow though he was in love with me,he was just incapable of expressing that love in the way I wanted him to. Still I persevered. After all love is patient abi? And then on the 5th month a ‘word’ came from him that he was no longer interested in the relationship(if it could be called that to start with).

I was distraught!!!
For over 3 hours I was in a pool of my own tears. literally!
Co incidentally I had some sort of church related exam to write on that day and it took a lot of pressure from my roomie to get me out of my room and down to the exam centre.
Typically I compartmentalised my feelings and wrote the exam. Very well at that cos fast forward to a couple of weeks later I was told I was to be given an award for ‘the most edifying script’. Don’t ask!!!

Back to the exam…afterwards we were to go through a counselling session. For the first time in my adult life I broke down and told a stranger about what has been the most trying 5months of my dating life. patiently she listened and wisely she nodded,occasionally.
When I was done and after giving me an extra few minutes to sob she took my hand in hers and said to me;
“You know what you need to do,you have to adorn yourself with beautiful things.”(Deep ryt?! I thought so too)
“You have given a lot for this person which is good if not for the fact that in the process you have lost sight of yourself and of ‘Purpose’!.
The only relationship in which you are allowed to lose yourself is in your relationship with God”
“Ruth was busy in the fields when Boaz noticed her because of her heart and character. ‘Notice’ here meaning to acknowlege with honour and to understand”
“So get busy with life changing activities and see as he begins to notice you.”
“You can’t expect to change the person you love but God will change both of you if you let him.”

Those words came to me at a right time and they have been my guiding principle.

Truth is,In the Word of God, we are commanded to love. it is not something you simply fall into but must be worked at, it must develop.

The concept of love today is generally flawed. When the average person speaks of love what they are actually talking about is something they want for themselves.(I have been guilty of that). As this selfish concept of love increases, true, genunine love will decrease.

But I believe in Love. That which is true and unblemished. That which is patient and kind. That which is not selfish.

I believe that out there is a man who is capable of loving me perfectly. Who,beyound that, loves ‘my father’ even more than he loves me.

I believe that a relationship founded on God’s word can stand the test of times.

I believe in good heartbreaks…life is a learning process and Joy has to come in the morning!

I also believe that one day,pigs would learn how to fly!!!

What do you believe in??

*smiles*

(Actually that was a rhetorical question. I really don’t wanna know cos most of y’all are freaks. I foresee replies like ‘I believe in sado-masochism and necrophilia’)!

P.s: yeah the title was #stolen. It rightly conveys my thoughts albeit ironically.
Notice the word ‘humans’. Well for all intents and purposes I am a god!
And I think I have conjunctivitis. Again!
All grammatical errors were fully intended!!!

DEDICATION: this piece is dedicated to Him: who knows my weakness but doesn’t consider it,celebrates my strength,understands my fears and believes in my future!

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Male StereotypeS

In Retrospect: A couple of ‘persons’ came to me with their concerns over the fact that I have refused to use my mouth for ‘something’ other than to eat(with much emphasis placed on…)Food and to talk. To such persons I say,Nyamaza!

Now…

” …Today is a day of profound introspection. I have been accused of using this column to direct bitter diatribes at the opposite sex. This uncomfortable accusation has plunged me into at least a few minutes of serious reflection,from which I have emerged…with the conclusion that, yes, I traffic in male stereotypes.
“But how can one blame me when every time I step out my front door,I meet fresh proof that the male archetypes are alive and well.”
“The father, the virgin, the ‘man’whore, the crone.”
“They’re elbowing you in the subway, stealing your cabs,and overwhelming you with aftershaves in elevators.”
“But perhaps in fairness to the masculine sex,I do need to broaden my horizon and add some new gods to the pantheon.”

Often times I have imagined that the character Ike in the movie ‘the Runaway Bride’ was played by a lady so that the monologue above would be something like what I have ‘remixed’ and also there would be a ‘Runaway Groom’.
But well erm,away from imaginations and back to reality,stereotypes are like a plague in our society. For those of whose who don’t know, stereotypes are a widely held but oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing that may or may not accurately reflect reality.
1.Men don’t like to talk about their feelings.
2.Men are less emotional, and rarely make decisions based on “feelings”.
3.Men separate their lives into compartments and work on one at a time.
4.Men only want sex.
5.All men enjoy working on cars.
6.Men play video games.
7.Men play sports.
8.Men are in charge; they are always at the top(pun intended!).
9.Men are good at math.
I0.It is always men who work in science.
11.Men are lazy, Men are dumb.
12.Men are the provider of their household.
13.Men are arrogant possessive and dominant.
14.Men are Obsessed with sex(repetition intended).
15.Men are Shallow
16.Men Point out girls bad parts.
17.Men are Emotionally retared.

– Yes! I traffic in male stereotypes.

These are but a few example of some of the male-specified stereotypes society has managed to create and propagate over time.But beyound this I like to think that men(and ofcourse) women are indviduals.we are more than just male or female.our likes or dislikes as well as strengths and weaknesses are part of who we are and do not define us as individuals.
Still the hypocritical part of me strongly identifies with numbers1, 4,11,13,14,15,16,and 17! Every other does not reflect reality.
(Lol! That’s just my ‘sexist’ alter talking).

Well the moral of the ‘story’ is “don’t allow negative stereotypes affect you negatively because they are far from true,or allow them induce you to place limitations on your abilities and capabilities.”
#shekina… or is it #shikena??

P.s: Every good blog requires dedication and commitment amongst other things and my alter has a phobia for commitment. Just saying!
And as usual,all grammatical errors were intended!!

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Karibu…! “The Side-Chick”

Ist off I have to say this: these words are not real.

They are a figment of your messed up imagination.

*smiles*

I Think bios are for people who define themselves.

That doesn’t mean I can’t define myself. I just refuse to…

But to establish some sort of background I’d say a few things…

I am a girl: fortunately!

I am 19 going on 20.

I am 3months from being a graduate.

I am petite(a more flattering adjective than ‘thin’)

ANd I absolutely love vegetable soup and snails.(Yeah I know some may be asking ‘relevance’? Whatever! Its my write-up damn It!)

Hehe…

Furthermore are 2 sides to me.

I suffer from something called multiple personality disorder but mine is rather unique and rare in the sense that my other alter(yeah there just 2 of us,I am not that damaged!)exists beyond my imagination and even has a bodily form.

Together we own this blog!

Last week I went thru the TL of a girl I grew up in the same neighbourhood with and saw that she dedicated some precious hours of her life (sarcasm intended!) to educate us on the importance of being a side-chick and why it z necessary tO have one.

Basically a side chick is that girl who is one level above a casual sex partner but always a step below the wife/girlfriend.

She does all the things the main woman WON’T or CAN’T do.

According to confidential sources there are rules to being a side chick some of which are as follows:

1. She must know her position and never get out of line.

2.She must be someone you can have fun with but never expect any commitment.

3.She must give him what he is not getting at home from his main woman.

4.She should be there for emotional support if things go wrong in his main relationship.

5. She must have nothing to lose.

6.She must be willing to be a toy.

7.She must be there when he needs or wants her to be.

(At dis point I am lmao.)

Moral consciousness among the human race has dwindled remarkably but never did I imagine it would get this bad.

-Not that I am such a ‘good’ girl myself. Actually the reverse is the reality-

Still am not sure what I am more confused about: men that feel they have a need for a side chick or women who know they are side chicks and are cool with the title.

(I refuse to remain trapped in that bubble of confusion.

The human mind works in mysterious ways and trying to figure that out would be an attempt in futility)

Still after carrying out an extensive online research and talking to a couple of respondents(lol) I have come to the conclusion that the side-chick is a necessary evil;on the strict condition that she OBEYS the first and most important rule of being a side chick by ‘KNOWING HER PLACE’.

(This is my opinion,my write-up so u cAn stop making that face!!!)

For me the fact still remains that I may not be able to give my man (whom I really hope is not reading this) all he may desire ‘sexually’ cos in some ways I could be termed a prude.(Another background information).

So if there is a girl who is willing to give him ‘head’ whenever he wants it and still understands that she is just the ‘other woman’ who would get a #1500 teddy bear the day after val’s day,then no wahala!

So my first post goes out to… THE SIDE-CHICK.

To round this up I bring u tweets from my darling childhood friend (scratch the initial ‘sarcasm’) who had quite a lot to say about the side chick.

WARNING: this section is filled with inappropriate words and expressions. Parental Guidance is advised!

@ZOEyBLAQ : ladies b grateful for a side chic…ur arsehole is gon b a virgin …y she b bursting it open for your nigga.

@ZOEyBLAQ: a side chic is not a hoe. She is d bitch d@ strips,sucks and swallow…shit ur gf prolly cant/wont do.

@ZOEyBLAQ: to the men out dere treatng their side chics ryt,I pray yur wife never cheats on you IJN. Amen.

@ZOEyBLAQ: we alwez talking about gf’s here but today I dedicate to the side chic who cooks,loves,wash,fucks ur man cos u r special.

@ZOEyBLAQ: d@ side chic d@ swallows cos ur gf is a choir leader…

*chuckles*

One last thing ( for the ladies. Guys you can stop reading now!). On this TL I saw the best definition of ‘Heartbreak’ ever! I still laugh out loud whenever I read that shit.(Oops did I just use that word! Side-effect of being an M.I abaga fan!*smh*)

@ZOEyBLAQ: heartbreaK,wen yu find out only his dick reacts to ur presence,nt his hrt,nt his head…jus his dick!

Even in seeming foolishness some measure of wisdom lies therein.

P.s: all grammatical errors were intended! *tongue out smiley*